mountains: part II

Ever since we left our parents’ houses it has been like this. She feels guilty about not being there and about not being like them. She feels like she’s no longer one of them, but that is not true — I wish she could see that: she is as magical as they are. Cam beckoned a bird the first week we arrived in town but it did not come to her: I saw it in her eyes that she thought it was all because she was not home anymore, that it was because there were no forests near and so her abilities would decrease until she finally had them no more. Her mother told her that the day we left: she told her — she told us, particularly blaming me — that we were making a mistake and we would soon regret it. She told us that we would never be able to feel as we felt then: it would all fade in time and there would be no going back. She did not scare me; I had travelled more than Cam by then and I knew that was not true. One time I went as far as three thousand kilometres from home and nothing happened, I told Cam: I was there for three months and then I came back and nothing was different. ‘Did you miss home, though?’ she asked me, hoping for both a positive and a negative answer. ‘Yes, a little, but not too much’ I answered, hoping to fulfil both her desires. I wanted to ask her right now: do you miss home, Cam? Do you miss home, and if you do, how much do you miss home? I wanted to know, and I wanted her to answer the same way I had answered months before, but something stopped me. I wouldn’t want to ruin our trip by getting the answer that would drain all my hopes.

I looked outside the window and I saw tall trees standing still, their thin, dark green leaves reaching for the ground, some of them falling and some of them fallen already. I could see some snow here and there, some resistant snow that refused to melt; the little dark cat-like animals walking on it. There was peace there. There was peace in that scene, putting itself against the blue cloudless sky. ‘Don’t you think this is beautiful?’, I asked Cam. ‘It is indeed lovely’ was her answer; I smiled and looked at her and she smiled back, and her smile made me feel like I had nothing to worry about: how I wished that feeling could last forever. I knew it wouldn’t.

(Carol Smnt)


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